Win Anyway...(Re-Post)

I posted this one about a year ago exactly. It was the second post I'd ever done, and it's still the most popular one, so I thought it was time to put it up again. Enjoy...

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "You don't know my struggle. You don't know what I go through. You'll NEVER know what I have to deal with on a day to day basis." And you know what? You're right. I don't know. I know nothing of your "deal". And still I say, "Win ANYWAY". No matter how hard it is, win anyway. No matter what life throws at you, keep coming. You can beat ANYTHING, but you can't give up if you want to win. Maybe you need to change your approach, or the tools (the job, the business venture, the self-talk, the stimuli, your thoughts, your friends, relationship style/partner/whatever), but keep bringing your best no matter what.

Think of it this way: You can let life beat you, and then have a story to tell the world. OR, you can WIN ANYWAY and tell THAT story. Which one sounds like more fun to you? Which one sounds like it's better to LISTEN to? Which one would YOU rather hear? Which one do you think will get you more attention and approval? Isn't that some of the stuff we're all after anyway? So go get it, whatever it is you're after...it's really ALREADY yours. Sure, it's at the top of the mountain and you have to CLIMB it, but once you get there, it's ALL yours. Go on, face the challenge--take it head on! Don't let life get too big to live, because it's not going anywhere. You have to live it anyway, it might as well be one you can be proud of, right? Also, many of us wait for someone to believe in us, but remember this: It starts with YOU believing in you. No one will believe in you until you have a certain degree of belief in yourself. With that I leave you to ponder your next move. I'd say good luck, but I don't think you need it. Go get 'em!

Donovan Bradley

Watch Your Language!

I want to talk about something that bugs me a whole lot whenever I hear it. It actually hurts my soul. It's the language many of us use. Simply put, it's quite often negative and downright ugly. I don't want to say I hear it all the time, but it's definitely not as rare as I'd like it to be. It's not profanity I'm talking about. Nor is it the language that we use to hurt others that I'm thinking of right now either, though that can be a major problem too. I'm talking about how badly we talk about ourselves.

We have to be careful how we talk about ourselves, because our subconscious minds pick up on it...and make our thoughts (which our words represent) reality. Have you ever made a mistake and said, "I'm such an idiot!"? Like I said, I hear it all the time. I even catch myself almost saying things like this...almost, but that's bad enough. I've made it my responsibility to take a stand on this with my friends, family, and acquaintances. Even with strangers I sometimes find myself saying stuff like, "Hey, don't beat yourself up." It can be easy to think it's harmless, but it's not. It seems like such a small thing, but over time those "inconsequential" thoughts add up...without fail.

Learn to give yourself some credit. Learn to accept that even the best of us make mistakes, and that it's OK that we do, as long as we learn from them. Why not give yourself some (honest) praise? Think of a success, no matter how small, a goal you set and fulfilled...a problem you met head on and solved...anything, and say to yourself, "Yay, me!" Start paying attention to what you say to and about yourself in all aspects of your life. I bet you'll find that the better you think of yourself in any specific area, the more success you'll have in your experience. That's no accident, friend. Use it to your advantage. Focus on your strengths, and praise yourself for them. When it comes to your weaknesses, here's what's important: we all have them. Get help when necessary, and believe in your ability to meet...and beat...any challenge. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon...

Donovan Bradley

A Life Changing Experience...

In this post, I thought I'd share with you something that changed my life, for the better, forever. I don't have any better way to describe it in one word than an "experience." It's one of the things I was exposed to in my life that inspired me to do this work and help others with my positivity and insight.

Getting right to the point, it's a group called PSI Seminars (www.psiseminars.com). Let me start by saying that I've barely scratched the surface of my own possibilities with them, but even the brief weekend work I did changed everything for me. Now mind you, I've always been someone who sought personal growth in any and everything I've ever done, so of course I'd feel that way. Just so you know, as I'm not in any formal way affiliated with PSI, I don't get anything for this endorsement, except for the satisfaction that I know I've shared something fantastic with you and potentially opened a door in your life that you've been seeking...whether or not you were previously aware. The people involved, the activities, the heightened sense of emotional and mental awareness they helped to bless me with, all of it I'll forever be thankful for...and I'm going back for more. I'm not sure when, but I will visit them again.

You see, they have a curriculum of courses designed to help anyone succeed at growing to their fullest potential. Of course it's our own responsibility to grow to our full potential (never, ever forget this), but countless people have given testimony (me being one of them) that these guys helped them in ways you can't even place a dollar amount on. The course I took was their entry level course, simply called "The Basic," and taking it was absolutely one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. My advice (which as you already know, is up to you to take or leave) is to check out their website (that link above) and see if they're worth a closer look to you. My guess is, for those of you reading this blog, it will be well worth the time it takes to look into. Bye for now...

Donovan Bradley

Thimbles & Buckets...

This post is about how we approach getting all we want out of life. I've known different types of people...and even been different types myself. With the help of some enlightened and very inspiring people I've had the pleasure of working with and learning from a few years ago, I've come to believe that the different types of people in this regard can be divided into 2 groups. It seems almost like some people go at life with a thimble to get what they want. What I mean by that is that they don't allow themselves to want very much. They say things, to themselves and others, such as "Don't get your hopes up," and other similar quotes. They seem to be not only OK with, but almost to prefer mediocrity from life. It has its advantages, of course. You don't have to work very hard to to not get what you want out of life...or at least, so it seems.

Now, while these types of people are busy making sure they don't aim too high so that they don't fall too far or work too hard, there are others (who I always try to model) that seem to approach life with a bucket so that they can catch more. Think of life as walking through a rainy day in order to picture this analogy. If you wanted to catch the rain, what would be more effective, the thimble or the bucket? Which one catches more, right? That's the question. Then, make a decision to approach life with a bucket from now on. Get more! You deserve more, it's really already yours. Decide for yourself now, that you're going to go out there with a bucket and get more of what you're after...which is success and happiness, I think.

The important thing to remember about making this decision, however, is that you can only make it for yourself. You can't convince another to throw away that thimble and get a bucket, because they're not in a place where they're willing to do the work you are (at least not yet). Even if you're successful getting them to see your point, they'll likely complain about how hard it is to live this way. The bucket "gets too heavy," in a manner of speaking. They want to go back to being comfortable and carrying that light and easy, tiny little thimble full of life...which even it probably isn't all that full. Only you can take the journey, and those who want similar results will look to you as an example...when they're ready to make a change in their own lives. That's it for now, talk to you soon.

Donovan

Outside The Maze...

Picture life as one of those mazes in a biology lab study. You know, where some biologist puts rats and mice inside to observe them as they perform tasks and evade a few obstacles to get to their prize, that glorious cheese, as the biologist notes results. Really, sit back and imagine it, and picture that as an analogy of life for a moment. Now in this vision I've asked you to conjure up, what part do you play? Are you a tiny mouse, running frantically one moment down this path, then hesitating the next moment, not sure enough of yourself to make a decision, allowing luck to control your destiny? Many of us proceed through our lives this way, even if only at certain times. I know I do. Or are you the large bullying rat, plowing through the maze, running over everything and everyone in the process to get that cheese? I've done this too. Sometimes it's because I'm feeling myself, and other times it still comes from fear just managed a bit differently (like a fear that someone lesser or weaker is going to get "what's ours" if we don't). As I see it, this is how many, if not most, proceed through life. Maybe it serves some of us in some way. In fact, it has to serve a purpose in some way, or else we'd find a new way.

Now, why not take yourself outside the maze to look at the entire picture, at least from time to time, from the scientist's point of view? Just pull back and look at it from a better position. It gives you perspective and allows you, just maybe, to see certain things in relation to other things in your life. Now circumstances and events may start to make sense, and maybe some things won't seem so bad. I mean pull back and look at everything. Look at all of it, including yourself, and just see it for a moment. Don't judge it, don't try to fix it at this moment, just see it for what it is...whatever it is. That is what's called a "moment of clarity," and when you have one, I bet you'll know what to do next. You won't even need me for your next move. So go do it. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

SELFLESSNESS: As Bad As Selfishness...

In most ways, this is true. Both traits have their advantages and disadvantages, but neither is the most self-serving, which is what you want to strive for. Being self-serving asks the question, "what serves me best?" Maybe, in a given situation, it serves you best to help someone else get what they want, as the case might be with a dear loved one...or to help someone get what they want first, as with a business partner or friend. Yes, to do this it becomes necessary to trust your fellow man, which isn't always the easiest thing for some of us to do. It is something you have voluntary control over, whether you admit it or not, however. Let's take a closer look.

Selfishness is a "Me first" kind of attitude that most of us agree is probably not the right attitude toward life. However, selflessness isn't exactly the virtue that many give it credit for being. Sure it may make you look good in some scenarios, especially to those who might directly or indirectly benefit from your selflessness, but in the end it's you who will be resentful and/or angry. Why is that? My thoughts are, that it's because when one is selfless it comes from guilt most times. The guilt comes from a deep down desire to be selfish like those folks the selfless person compares herself to, but also an even deeper feeling that they're not worthy and therefore don't deserve to be selfish. It's a defense mechanism which allows her to feel that she's doing the "right thing." She then says to herself, "Well, at least no one can ever say I was selfish," but who's she living for? Is she living for herself, or is she living for those whom she suspects might call her selfish?

Selfishness is easy. Here's a person who thinks that resources, meaning all things we want or need, are limited. Therefore, the mentality is, "I've got to get what's mine before it's all gone." This produces a "Me first" kind of lifestyle. That's all there is to it. If this is you, and it works for you, good for you. My question to you is, what parts of life are you missing out on while you're so busy hording what's "yours?" Make no mistake, you are missing out on something, and maybe that's OK by you.

On to a third option: Being self-serving, or as I like to put it, "Self-Adjusted," is about figuring out what's best for me in a universal sense. I mean by that, not just "Get what I want now..." like a selfish person might say or "My turn will come..." as a selfless person might declare. Self adjusted people look at the whole picture whenever possible and ask, "Is this what's best for all involved?" You see, they have no guilt about including themselves, but have confidence in the universe's abundance such that they won't try to exclude you to keep more for themselves either. They believe in their own value, and they believe in the value of all others as well. This mentality produces more for them than they could ever need, which keeps them happy and generous in the abundance cycle where we are all welcome. It's a wonderful place to be. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

The Easiest Way To Win A Fight...

The title of this post is, I must admit, deceiving. It implies that what I'm about to suggest to you is easy, but the reality is it's not for most. Almost everyone, including myself, has a lot of trouble mustering the strength it takes to win using the tool I'm about to share with you. Prepare yourself for this one. If you learn this tool, however, you will be a very powerful person. You will be a very brave person. You will be a very wise person. Is it not these types of people who fare better in fights? Of course they do. So I'm betting you're ready to hear it (I know, you're reading this. Stay focused). Here goes: Learn to admit when you're wrong. I mean, really admit it. Learn to accept that it's OK to be wrong because mistakes are often times where our most valuable lessons come from. It doesn't mean you're less intelligent than another or that they're a better person than you because you were wrong this time, though they may even think it...though they may even say it to you...and your friends...and your boss...and your children. It's not a sign of weakness, if you're coming from the right place. It's a sign of strength. Strength of character, spirit, heart and mind.

It's one of those things in life that most of us know deep down is true, but we've been programmed for so long to prove ourselves to the world that we've lost our ability to see ourselves at times. Sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes others know something we don't, or we want something that's really not that fair, or we're just being unreasonable, or worse than that, we're being a stubborn jerk. Hey, it happens. We are human, but hindsight is 20/20. What's happened to some of us is that we've become afraid to look at ourselves objectively. We've learned to focus on everything but ourselves, and in the process deluded ourselves into thinking that we're flawless. You see, it's our flaws, that make us perfect. So own them. As I said, it gives you much strength and power. When you do (and know you're working to improve them), you'll see how powerful and wise it makes you feel. You'll feel powerful because you are. Those who would oppose you on an issue, believe it or not, will see this power in you too and together you'll win, as you strive for understanding instead of victory. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

It's Your World...

What I mean by that is that you are responsible for it. It is, to this point, what you believe it to be...not necessarily what you believe it should be. It starts there (I'm pointing at your heart), with your own beliefs. Your beliefs about yourself, and your beliefs about all the things and people around you. Those very beliefs lead to the actions you take and ultimately to the results you create for yourself. It's your world. This explains the saying that, "Your world is a reflection of you." That means, if you want it to be a better world, who does it start with? Who should do better? Who should get better? You don't blame the mirror for the reflection...it's doing what it was designed to do.

Too often we find ways to blame other things and people for what's wrong with our world. Too often, as a society, we find ways to justify why we haven't become, achieved, or acquired what we desire by declaring that it's due to some unfortunate circumstance that exists in our lives. "It's the economy..." we say, or, "If only I had more money..." or, "If only I were taller and prettier..." or, "I don't have time to go back to school or start over..." or, "She messed it all up for me..." None of that is true. What's true is, if only we would take responsibility for our own happiness and success, we could have any and all things we want--right now. You have to go out and win anyway. By winning I don't mean beating someone. I mean getting what you want. You deserve it. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and actions, because that's all you and no one else but you. The sooner you accept that, the sooner your world will change for the better (and by "you" I mean "we" since I deal with this every single day just like everyone else). Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

A Short Post On Love...

Love is one of those many things that can be tough to truly grasp. I think that's because it means something a little different to each of us. We have our own specific needs for it, and our own unique ways of expressing it. One thing is for certain though, we all want and need it, in some form, whether we admit it or not. In fact, it's my opinion that many of us don't get enough of it and I think I know why. There's a very easy way to get all of the love you need that many of us, for whatever reason, just seem to miss. I've come to understand that the easiest way to receive love is to GIVE love...starting with loving myself first. Not surprisingly, when I say this to most people the typical response is something like, "I can't do that! That would be selfish/conceited. I'm not like that at all!" That's not what I'm saying though. I simply mean that we usually are hard on ourselves and spend much time comparing ourselves to others (better or worse or smarter or whatever), when the truth is we all ultimately come from the same creator. We're all priceless creations (see my earlier post on "Worth" 9/19/08), and it serves us to remember that.

That said, choose to love yourself first, for love is not a finite resource in us. In fact, when we use the "muscle" it gets stronger like our other ones. Fill your cup first until it overflows, and then the abundant overflow is what you get to share with your loved ones. Then you'll never feel unloved or feel a need to strive for love because you'll always feel loved...as will others when they're around you. They will then effortlessly, naturally gravitate toward you and love you in return. Why? It's because they feel love around you and that attracts love. You will see it in everything they do and everything you do too. In feeling so loved you will be compelled to give even more love and the cycle continues and grows. So give love...to the world...starting with yourself. Just don't stop there, that's all. It works very well for me, I hope it helps. Talk to you soon...

Donovan Bradley

Know What You Control

In any given situation, there's one thing you can control: that's yourself. So often I see it, even in myself (though I've improved vastly in this area over the last year or 2), we try to control events, things, and/or people only to find ourselves 1) stressed out/exhausted and 2) usually disappointed. If your peace of mind is at all important to you, it's critically important to remember that you bring yourself, and only yourself, into any situation.

The better you are under the circumstances (meaning the way you think, choose to feel, and act), the better that situation will turn out. It's simple math. What you put into the equation always effects what comes out...no exceptions. It's true that when others are involved their contributions may also have a significant effect on the end result, but again, you can only control your own actions, feelings, and thoughts with 100% certainty so there is where your focus needs to be. This is what the phrase "The Man In The Mirror" means. You can advise, guide, hope, and suggest to others, but it must start and end with you. When it does, and you accept that this is better than wishing and demanding that other things and people (who almost never respond to this anyway) do what you think they should do, happiness will be yours. I was in a sales training course a couple of years ago, and my mentor left me with a great quote in regard advising & influencing people (even when you "know" you're right): he said, "Some will, some won't. So what? Next..." I think that's so brilliant, I wish I'd made it up myself. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

Modesty vs. Humility

Many of my friends have heard me joke that "The only thing I brag about is my humility." It's something that I thought was funny at the time and still gets a laugh so I continue to use it. A few weeks ago, for whatever reason, something occurred to me. I was thinking about humility and what it actually means when I realized something. I realized it's relatively easy to confuse humility and modesty for one another. I personally have asked a few people about their own thoughts on this, and what I found in these people was what I suspected. Many think that "modesty" can be used as a synonym for "humility." I disagree.

Modesty and humility, the way I see it, are almost polar opposites. Modesty has more similarity to vanity than humility. Allow me to explain. Modesty, in my understanding, is characterized by a person denying their own proficiency or strength, either in a specific area or overall. For example, if you tell someone modest they're a great basketball player they might say something like, "No way, there are so many much better players than myself." While that can sound like an admirable way to handle the compliment, I prefer the humble person's response which would sound more like, "Well, we're ALL great when we put our mind's to achieving something." You see, the humble person accepts the praise, whereas the modest person deflects...or rejects it. The humble response is better to me for a few reasons. One, it doesn't deny you the praise you're receiving and deserve and two, it's actually motivating and positive to the person you're speaking to.

Above I said that modesty is similar to vanity and here's how: Vanity is about separation and social hierarchy. So too, I believe is modesty. These concepts bring us to deem ourselves as superior or inferior to someone else (and inferior more often than most of us are aware). Being humble is about understanding that we all come from the same creator, and that we all have limitations and an infinite potential to achieve, create, learn, understand, and live. When we strive for humility, we simultaneously strive for unity and harmony. In that scenario, we find that respect replaces fear when it comes to our fellow man. What could be better than that? Talk to you soon

Donovan

An Analogy About “Obstacles”...

I was talking to someone the other day about a friend of hers who she told me is somewhat of an “underachiever”…OK, we can all be somewhat underachieving, so I’m understating a bit. Anyway, as we were talking a great analogy came to me about obstacles. It came to me because I got to thinking about how different people handle obstacles and about words of advice I’ve heard in the past from friends and mentors on how they should be handled. It’s been said that the reason successful people are successful is because they don’t see obstacles the way others do. They just see them as part of the process. They see it this way because they stay focused on their goals. Some have such focus that they don’t see obstacles at all…they only see their goals. They see nothing but success, and so they move over, around, or through them. Many times their success seems effortless. That’s because they perceive it that way. So in my effort to give you a better way to view…or perhaps not view obstacles, I’m going to share my analogy with you.

Think of yourself at the beginning of a corridor or hallway, and your “goal” is to walk from the starting point, out the door on the other end. Standing in the corridor is a stranger you know nothing about. This stranger is staring, in complete silence and without any expression, directly at you. There’s no mistake this person is watching you. How do you react? What action do you take? Do you ask him “what ya lookin’ at, fool?” and engage him focusing on him so much that you don’t even see the door (your goal) anymore? Do you walk up to him and threaten to beat him up for looking at you? Do you attack him? You see, this is how some would react. They might even be so focused on him that they get on the other side of him so that he’s no longer between them and the door (which was their original goal), but are now not even pointed in the direction of their goal anymore! It has completely disappeared now from their entire field of vision. Why has this happened? It has happened because they weren’t able to maintain focus on their goal. There’s another way to react. There are those who would not see this person at all, so focused on their goal and walk straight toward it without so much as a wayward glance. Then there are those who might assume that the stranger was their to help them get through the door in the event they needed assistance. You see, it’s your choice how to view the circumstance, whatever it turns out to be. Here’s a tough one to grasp—even if he does resist you, maybe he’s there to prepare you for the strength you’ll need to open the door, or for the strength you’ll need once you get past the door. You see, you just never know, do you? Focus on the goal. Talk to you soon…

Donovan

Crutches Are Kryptonite

I think this is a statement we can all understand...for the most part. We all know that crutches slow us down if we don’t need them. They’re to be used only when it’s impossible or at least exceedingly difficult to move without them. If this isn’t the case, they actually do more harm than good. Read on…

First of all, when I use the term “crutch” I’m referring not just to those strange looking, elongated wooden or metal & plastic things we get from the doctor’s office. I’m referring to anything one might rely on to eliminate healthy, necessary, good old fashioned effort. For example, I’m talking about instances like guys who think they need to be “buzzed” or “high” to be “charming” as well as those other kind of crutches. These things all make us weaker when used improperly. Remember that.

You see, when we don’t use something, it atrophies…whether it’s our leg, our brain, or our “game”. Anything we stop using starts to dissipate in its immediate potential. Sure, we can build it back up if we choose, but we’ve lost some performance for the time being. Now, this principle serves us by making sure we focus our energy on those things we use most, but it can hurt those of us who have chosen not to do anything “on our own.” That’s not to say we shouldn’t try to find easier, faster, smarter, better ways to do things, we just shouldn’t do that at the expense of our own self improvement. Keep that in mind and you’ll do just great.

Now here’s an interesting point that it’s taken me all my life (thus far) to figure out: When we use people as crutches, it can be even more damaging than we could ever imagine if we’re not careful about those we choose to lean on. Allow me to explain. OK, I’m assuming you already understand the principle of atrophy which states that when we don’t use our own “muscle” (mental, physical, or spiritual), it grows weaker over time. Right there should be enough incentive to use as much of your own power as possible, all the time. However, if you need more reason, this is for you. Some people choose to be crutches for others because they actually like the idea of people needing them so much that they can’t function without them. These people, whether consciously or not, actually keep you weak, and what they are is manipulators. Because they desire to make you weaker, they're like Kryptonite to you...just like the other crutches can be, but a bit worse since it's deliberate. Anyone who’s encountered this type of person knows what I’m saying. The way to avoid them is to stand on your own whenever possible. Sure, we need to work together, but that’s because two heads are better than one. It shouldn’t be because one isn’t enough. Talk to you soon…

Donovan Bradley

You’re Not Going To Like This…

If this one bothers you, I’m talking to you. In fact, it’s that tendency I’m talking about. You take things too personally too much of the time. Some of it has to roll off your back…some of it has to be tolerated…some of it you have to sit back and just laugh in the face of…including this post. It’s unnecessary stress on you when you take everything personally. You get mad, and/or you get stressed, many times about things or people that you can’t do anything about. That costs you your peace of mind. A very good friend once told me that nothing in the world should be worth giving up one’s peace of mind for, and I agree with him. So why take it personally? Just accept that some things are “screwed up”, but that your life can be great anyway. Got it? Good.

Besides the direct pain you cause yourself, anger and resentment, you can affect other areas of your life. You can also cause some of the more sensitive, less assertive people to start to distance themselves from you, even going as far as ending the relationship altogether just to avoid the stress of facing your judgment and “wrath”. You may even be “right” in your judgment, but sometimes it’s not worth the effort of explaining why or the damage it can do. Use your talent for judgment to weigh the pros and cons instead of on your people. That’s what it’s best used on anyway…decisions, not people.

So it can hurt you directly, mentally and emotionally, and it can ruin relationships if left unchecked. Sure, it can be a good thing, as can anything, when appropriate. That’s the key. Learn to control this power to take things personally. Do it when it brings you and/or those you love positive things like desired change. You’re highly passionate and not very good at hiding that, which means you can be ridiculously motivated and therefore get a ton of things done compared to most…life changing things. You’re also highly critical, which means your attention to detail is as intense as your emotions. However, if used at the wrong time in the wrong place in the wrong way, these attributes can burn down…or extinguish (like fire or water)…what you’re working so hard to build.

The bottom line is this: This is a world full of a whole bunch of differences. Ultimately, there’s not much that’s right or wrong, black or white. It’s all a bunch of gray areas and opinions, and it’s just too much work to try to be right all the time (most of us miss the mark far more than we’d like to admit…yes, most of us, and the rest just don’t even try).

So to help you out, I’ve compiled a small list of things that may get you started on protecting your most valuable asset (peace of mind):

-Not everyone will agree with you…and it’s OK

-Not everyone will do what you did or would…that’s OK too

-Those very people (read “screw-ups” to you, quite possibly) might succeed…or fail somehow anyway…yes, that’s OK too

-Not everything will go exactly as planned. It doesn’t mean you won’t succeed

-Your current approach may need review and revision. Sure, it may hurt to admit that. Just do it

-Someone (possibly younger, dumber or lesser than you) may criticize or correct you or your actions or results…worse yet, in front of other people. It happens (I’m not saying “lie down and take it” or that it’s OK, but it does happen)

-Someone may see you in some way you don’t want to be seen whether or not you think it’s accurate. Realize it’s a fact of life and happens to everyone at some time or another

-Understand that no one (that means you) is always right

There, that’ll start you on the path. Now go do it. Yup, I just told you what to do. What are you going to do about it? Bye now…

Donovan Bradley