Sometimes It Gets Tough, Just "Look Deeper"

On your quest to achieve your dream life there will be those days when you find it's really challenging, I promise. You may even feel like it's beating you down. In those moments, it may help you to look deeper—as in deeper down the field that is your life. What I mean is, get out of “the moment” and remember that everything changes...everything. That means that when it gets really bad, at least it's not permanent. This too shall pass, as it's been said many times. Sometimes I find it helps me to imagine a moment in the not too distant future (maybe a week, maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe 10 years). I know in the future that this particular problem will have been solved one way or another. Then my mind does a curious thing. It starts to imagine what path my life will take en route to the inevitable solution. Basically, my mind just starts to work its way back to now. When I can fill in all the blanks, the problem is usually solved and I can move forward. Whenever I choose to use this technique, it works...every time.

I'll use myself as an example. I'm currently facing a few challenges right now. Those closest to me know my biggest ones. I could easily give up and let these things "beat" me. You know what though? Even if I do that, these problems will actually solve themselves in some manner or another. Of course, it’ll be a bit more painful and probably won’t turn out the way I prefer, but consequences have a knack for happening whether or not we act, don't they? So the question becomes "How will this problem be solved?" rather than "Will this problem be solved?" Of course it will. It always is, as that's just the way life works. Here is where I take the opportunity to "look" forward into my own future, and pick the one I like best. Once I've done that, I work my way back to now. You can do this, it's not as hard as you think. Pick a point in the future and mark the date. Now "paint" the picture of how that point in time looks in relation to this task or challenge you're facing. Now, working backwards, think of the most likely actions you could have taken to lead to the picture you have in mind. Once you have the one that feels most like it would work, then you have your new point to work back from. Continue that process until you get to right now. Now you have your plan to move forward to the future you like best.

This process takes honesty and objectivity, but once you've mastered it there will be nothing you don't feel like you can accomplish. You'll know the only limiter in your life is yourself. OK, that's it for now. Time to get started...

The Best Relationships are NOT 50/50

Yes, I meant to say exactly that. It is in fact, my humble opinion that the most successful relationships are not 50/50 in terms of giving. No matter what type of relationship it is--whether it's business, a friendship or a romantic relationship, the 50/50 concept doesn't work for me. You see, it's my belief that for a relationship to work between two people that both of them must give it their ALL. That means relationships are 100/100. The two people together now make MORE in terms of value than the sum of their values individually...if the relationship is handled in that way. Look at it this way--if you're not doing your best in the relationship, then it will never be as good as it could be and you only have yourself to blame. All situations in life are limited only by the effort we ourselves put forth, and this applies especially well to relationships.

Another thing I have a problem with, specifically when it comes to romantic relationships, is the idea that we find a person to "complete us". How come we're not already complete? How come we aren't looking for someone wonderful to share our already wonderful lives with so that the life is even more wonderful? We shouldn't look for other people to make us happy, because that will never work. I've heard it said that happiness is an "inside job" and I agree with that. One has to find happiness inside himself, and then go share that happiness with the world. One has to learn to love herself, and then go share that love with the world. Learn to do this, and all of your relationships will be wonderful. All of them will just seem to effortlessly work and add to your happiness. Then it becomes easier to find the pleasure we're looking for in the relationship, because the happiness has already been taken care of within ourselves. Now I certainly don't claim to be a relationship expert by any standard, but I've been in a few (some very good and some very bad), and I've noticed that they've all improved drastically one way or another now that I understand what I'm sharing with you. Talk to you soon...

Rules About Happiness

What does it take for you to be happy on a given day? Have you ever thought about that? Does a very specific circumstance have to be present? Do many very specific circumstances have to be present? It's my belief that some of us make it more difficult than it needs to be to feel happy or to have a "good day". I say, why limit your ability to feel happy to only times when something unusually spectacular happens to you? Why not wake up having a good day? Why not have a great day despite...or better yet even, because of the day's challenges? Maybe you're able to learn something from that event or chain of events that forever makes you a better person and thereafter your very life easier and/or more rewarding? Why not let your default emotion be joy or happiness? Isn't it safe to say that life would be better that way? Would it not be more enjoyable if you were normally happy? People tend to be attracted to the energy of upbeat, positive people so you'd probably make more friends and see more opportunities come your way, giving you even still more reason to be happy, right? I totally agree.

That said, I'm going to share something with you that I learned about 2 years ago. It was during a very emotionally challenging time in my life that I woke up one morning (Jan. 01, 2007) after a very uplifting and relaxed New Year's Eve. It had been such a great feeling that I didn't remember feeling for quite some time. As I got up, I said to myself, "It's the best day of my life." From that day forward, I committed to making every day the best day of my life no matter what happened. In other words, I stopped basing my happiness on what happened to me. Anyone who knows me already knows what my answer will be when they ask me how I'm doing because "Best day of my life!" is my only answer. Further, I'm conscious of how I feel as I tell someone because I don't want to just allow the words to nonchalantly roll out of my mouth. I say it with passion. I feel the emotion of it...the energy of it. And you know what? It works! Many folks, upon hearing me say it tell me that I made their day (especially after I explain to them how I learned the trick). In fact, some of my friends and acquaintances come looking for me at times just to ask me how I'm doing so they can hear that. This gives me even more joy...it gives me the joy of purpose. I know I'm giving of my positive energy to those who could use a lift. I'm not saying every day goes exactly the way I want it to. I'm saying I'm happy no matter how it goes.

Enough about me though. This is about you and your happiness. What makes you happy? For most of us, it would probably serve us to be a little less specific about what has to happen to us for us to feel the feeling of happiness, and more certain about the fact that we're responsible for (and therefore should be committed to) our own joy. It's just a humble opinion, but my advice is to try it. You just might like it...

Success Is a Direction

I’ve heard it said that “Success is a journey, not a destination…” I think there is truth in that statement, but I have a slightly different feeling. It’s my personal opinion that success is more of a direction than even a journey. I say this because most of those who feel successful of those I’ve come into contact with were happiest with the control they have over the direction of their lives. Life is a journey, but where is it going? What direction is it headed? That’s the question, in my opinion, when answered best defines success.

Think about it. Whatever is happening in your life in terms of career, wealth, relationships (love, friends or family) or health, if your life is going the way you want it to go, you’re happy. Even if you’re not where you want to be yet, you feel good about what’s happening in your life when you have determined what direction you’re going to go. Now, provided you take action to move on your intentions and ambitions, your life is “headed in the right direction.” That’s when one feels in alignment. That’s when you feel like you’re moving with the current of life and not against it. It feels easy and good, regardless of the current circumstance because you’re now confident that you’re making progress. So get clear on where you want your life to go. Get very clear…crystal clear. Now there’s a target you have a good chance at hitting, yes? So go get it. Bye for now…

Donovan Bradley

Is It About The Money?

Simply put, no. Many of us want to do things in our lives that for reasons we often times choose not to face honestly, we find excuses for not doing. One of the most common of these excuses is the "money excuse". We say things like "If I were rich it would be no problem..." or "I can't afford it" or "That's a waste of money..." The truth is a lot of times we're thinking of doing things that entail living our lives in a way that would make us happy. So what we're really saying when we make the choice not to "afford it" (which is what it is, make no mistake), is that our own happiness isn't worth the money we think it should cost, but I digress. What I'm really asking here is, "Is it really just about the money?" Is that really what's stopping us from doing what we want in these cases? I don't think so.

As an example, let's take Mother Theresa, on her mission in Africa. Everyone would agree that she was not a financially wealthy woman. Things like that were not important to her as she focused her energy and spirit so totally to her cause of making the world better for those people to whom she was so valiantly dedicated. Let’s say she decided that she wanted to be in Disneyland in the next 14 days. Do you think she would have had trouble acquiring the financial resources to make the trip? I’m certain she would have had absolutely no trouble at all, because it’s not about the money. It’s about the intention and the commitment. I think it’s safe to say that no one in our time was more committed than she was. And if that is what she decided she wanted to do, she would have made it happen no matter what. In fact, it's my personal belief that she would have made it happen for herself and as many of the children she worked with to come along as possible. It’s never about the money, unless you allow it to be. Like I said, that's a choice. It's a choice you make...consciously or subconsciously.

Donovan Bradley

Worth

Let’s talk about worth for a minute. Have you ever given the question "How much am I worth?" any deep thought? If not, go ahead and do it today. Ask yourself this question. Look inside and see what answer comes back, if any. If you don't get an answer, or you're less than satisfied with the one that came back, don't fret. I've got something for you to think about. With all of our technological advances, I'm pretty sure they're at the point where they can actually clone people now. I'm no expert on that, but I have a feeling based on what I've see in media the last few years. Besides, this is all hypothetical anyway. Now, how much do you think it would cost to clone one person? With all of the technology, time and expertise involved, How much do you suppose it costs? I’m guessing anywhere from $1 Million dollars or more (perhaps way more) to clone one human being with everything involved in the process. With all the cutting edge technology and expert human resources, it only makes sense that the process (by most people's standards) is almost ridiculously expensive, wouldn't you agree?

OK, let’s bring it home. Let’s say they cloned you. As beautiful and brilliant as this person who looks just like you might be, and as much as it cost…WHATEVER it cost to create the clone of you, it would NOT be YOU. He or she would have different beliefs, tendencies, opinions, values, experiences and nuances than you. That means you are one of a kind, which means you cannot be replaced. That, my friend, means no amount of money is worth your existence on this planet. That means you’re worth whatever you say you are. The only thing left is for you to decide on that number that makes you happy. Once you've got a clear, specific number that you can accept for yourself then if you haven't already, you must decide how you're going to deliver that much value to the world. When the value you deliver equals the number that makes you happy, you will receive that number. Of course, it isn't as simple as it sounds, but like I always say, Win Anyway. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

Opportunity Knocks…

I was asked by someone very near and dear to me to write about the topic represented in the subject line of this post. Sure, you’ve heard it—it’s been said over and over throughout all of our lives such that the very phrase is now common knowledge. However, I venture to differ from this idea’s many followers just a bit. I think a more valid (and timely) way of seeing this concept is “Opportunity Knows.” And I think it does, really. It knows those who seek it earnestly. It knows those who value it. It finds us who understand that without it, nothing would exist. The entrepreneurs, the salesmen, the challenge seekers, the athletes, the difference makers…all of us who know there’s a better way. It may or may not have been discovered yet, but it’s there. It’s real. Opportunity knows all of you that believe this. It caters to you. It leaves the rest of the world wondering what it is that “[you’ve] got that they don’t.” It’s simple really. You understand that that very concept is the life blood of all humanity and that any and every benefit or advancement we know has come from someone believing in it before it existed outside of only their own mind.

Take our present political circumstance, for instance. There are those who would not have believed that the moment that we could GUARANTEE a drastic change in the White House in the areas gender or race would occur in our foreseeable (much less immediate) future. Two very notable individuals pursued their dreams despite the references that the past provided and have therefore changed history forever because of their actions and beliefs in themselves. Opportunity recognized Mr. Obama’s and Mrs. Clinton’s courage and rewarded US ALL with understanding and wisdom with which to live our own lives by. Only months later we’re now, no matter which way you choose to vote, virtually guaranteed that there will be a woman or a black man in the White House for the first time ever in our two-hundred-and some-odd-number year history. Opportunity knows. Opportunity is a living, breathing energy that responds when attention is paid to it. Remember that. Use it. Live by it…every day.

Donovan Bradley

Win Anyway

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "You don't know my struggle. You don't know what I go through. You'll NEVER know what I have to deal with on a day to day basis." And you know what? You're right. I don't know. I know nothing of your "deal". And still I say, "Win ANYWAY". No matter how hard it is, win anyway. No matter what life throws at you, keep coming. You can beat ANYTHING, but you can't give up if you want to win. Maybe you need to change your approach, or the tools (the job, the business venture, the self-talk, the stimuli, your thoughts, your friends, relationship style/partner/whatever), but keep bringing your best no matter what.

Think of it this way: You can let life beat you, and then have a story to tell the world. OR, you can WIN ANYWAY and tell THAT story. Which one sounds like more fun to you? Which one sounds like it's better to LISTEN to? Which one would YOU rather hear? Which one do you think will get you more attention and approval? Isn't that some of the stuff we're all after anyway? So go get it, whatever it is you're after...it's really ALREADY yours. Sure, it's at the top of the mountain and you have to CLIMB it, but once you get there, it's ALL yours. Go on, face the challenge--take it head on! Don't let life get too big to live, because it's not going anywhere. You have to live it anyway, it might as well be one you can be proud of, right? Also, many of us wait for someone to believe in us, but remember this: It starts with YOU believing in you. No one will believe in you until you have a certain degree of belief in yourself. With that I leave you to ponder your next move. I'd say good luck, but I don't think you need it. Go get 'em!

Donovan Bradley

Don’t Ask How, Instead Say What

When it comes to having and doing what you want in life, the key is to just go get it. Just act. Too many times we find ourselves worrying about how we could accomplish or achieve or attain this or that. Or worse yet, we tell ourselves why it’s impossible. The truth is, nothing stops us but us. It’s not about HOW you’ll do it. It’s only about WHAT you’ll do. Just start doing it. Start anywhere. Start gathering information on how it’s done. The answers are there. And if they’re not, then maybe it’s never been done, but that doesn’t mean you can't do it.

Success is about being, then doing, then having. It comes from within. Success is more of a direction than a destination. Finding out how to do anything is not nearly as important a step as DECIDING to do it…and then not quitting until your goal is met. This goes for anything in your life that you’d like to accomplish. Whether it’s getting a new job that pays you what you’re worth, or starting a new business, or buying a new home/car/anything. Just start on it. You don’t have to know the whole path to your objective, just the first step. You can always figure out the first step. It’s what you need to do RIGHT NOW. What do you want to do right now? Take a moment to think about it if you need to. Go on, get a pen and paper and write it down. Next, decide with certainty that you will accomplish this task, big or small. Guess what. You’ve already completed the first step in the whole process once you’ve done this.

The next step will come naturally…if you’re honest with yourself…and you STAY FOCUSED on the question “how can it be done?” Next, no matter what the answer is, do what naturally comes next. It may seem at times as if the next step isn’t obvious. That just means you’re getting too far ahead of yourself. Further planning, or some adjustments will be necessary along the way in most cases, but the key is to keep your mind moving in the direction of your goal at all times. Stay focused on your end result, which should be clear. What exactly should it be? Well, that’s for you to decide, as I said earlier. The answer to that is in your vision of your goal. This is where you must call your imagination into service. That’s what daydreams are actually for. Daydreams are the fuel to motivate you to make your life into the one you deserve (and in case you’re wondering, you DESERVE whatever you DESIRE). See it, desire it, get it. Sustained focus and movement toward the goal is the key.

That means that, yes, there must BE a goal. Goals are the framework of success. Once a goal is identified, the plan to achieve the goal is essential. Once the plan is determined, then sustained focus becomes the next piece in the puzzle. An easy way to sustain focus is to learn to take time out to visualize your goal…see it as being complete, but also see yourself as you’re making progress. Do this every day (preferably in the evening before you lie down to sleep or in a period during the day of downtime). These two visions will help to propel you to the destination; that being the COMPLETED goal. The truth is, most times things are simpler than people make them. Just get started. This was a tough one for me especially. I was always waiting for “The Right Time” or “The Right Situation,” essentially knowing that was never going to happen. Just get moving. Once you’re moving in the direction of your goal and hit a roadblock, it’s then that you should start asking “how” to solve the problem. Now you have the momentum of “progress” to help you to see more clearly and to try harder to keep going (because you don’t want to waste all the work you’ve already done). Too many people convince themselves unnecessarily that the timing has to be “exactly right before they can get started on something. “As soon as I finish [whatever it may be],” I’ll be able to make it happen. You can take action NOW, if you just play through those feelings of fear and discomfort that we ALL feel when we attempt something we’ve never done before (or don’t feel we’ve done well enough in the past).

So there it is. You don’t really have any excuses for not at least getting started, do you? It’s time to make a play, and see where it leads. Consider taking action a success in and of itself. That feeling of success will propel you forward if you let it. It’ll be your fuel and if you keep moving forward, at a certain point you’ll look up an be astounded by your own progress.

This being the first of many posts to come, we’re actually taking this journey together. I’ve been wanting to do this work for a long time, but like you, I hesitated. Doubting anyone would take me seriously (despite all of the efforts of friends and family to convince me to pursue this work because I’m so “good at it”), it scared me to think of actually putting my ideas out there to the masses, subjecting them to possible ridicule, scrutiny and rejection. However, as I continued to work with people (friends and strangers alike), and they ALL continued to convince me that I was destined to do this, my courage grew…and here I am, presenting this to you and those like you who are determined to eliminate those things they’ve allowed to hold them back in the past. Good for us. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley