A Short Post On Love...

Love is one of those many things that can be tough to truly grasp. I think that's because it means something a little different to each of us. We have our own specific needs for it, and our own unique ways of expressing it. One thing is for certain though, we all want and need it, in some form, whether we admit it or not. In fact, it's my opinion that many of us don't get enough of it and I think I know why. There's a very easy way to get all of the love you need that many of us, for whatever reason, just seem to miss. I've come to understand that the easiest way to receive love is to GIVE love...starting with loving myself first. Not surprisingly, when I say this to most people the typical response is something like, "I can't do that! That would be selfish/conceited. I'm not like that at all!" That's not what I'm saying though. I simply mean that we usually are hard on ourselves and spend much time comparing ourselves to others (better or worse or smarter or whatever), when the truth is we all ultimately come from the same creator. We're all priceless creations (see my earlier post on "Worth" 9/19/08), and it serves us to remember that.

That said, choose to love yourself first, for love is not a finite resource in us. In fact, when we use the "muscle" it gets stronger like our other ones. Fill your cup first until it overflows, and then the abundant overflow is what you get to share with your loved ones. Then you'll never feel unloved or feel a need to strive for love because you'll always feel loved...as will others when they're around you. They will then effortlessly, naturally gravitate toward you and love you in return. Why? It's because they feel love around you and that attracts love. You will see it in everything they do and everything you do too. In feeling so loved you will be compelled to give even more love and the cycle continues and grows. So give love...to the world...starting with yourself. Just don't stop there, that's all. It works very well for me, I hope it helps. Talk to you soon...

Donovan Bradley

Know What You Control

In any given situation, there's one thing you can control: that's yourself. So often I see it, even in myself (though I've improved vastly in this area over the last year or 2), we try to control events, things, and/or people only to find ourselves 1) stressed out/exhausted and 2) usually disappointed. If your peace of mind is at all important to you, it's critically important to remember that you bring yourself, and only yourself, into any situation.

The better you are under the circumstances (meaning the way you think, choose to feel, and act), the better that situation will turn out. It's simple math. What you put into the equation always effects what comes out...no exceptions. It's true that when others are involved their contributions may also have a significant effect on the end result, but again, you can only control your own actions, feelings, and thoughts with 100% certainty so there is where your focus needs to be. This is what the phrase "The Man In The Mirror" means. You can advise, guide, hope, and suggest to others, but it must start and end with you. When it does, and you accept that this is better than wishing and demanding that other things and people (who almost never respond to this anyway) do what you think they should do, happiness will be yours. I was in a sales training course a couple of years ago, and my mentor left me with a great quote in regard advising & influencing people (even when you "know" you're right): he said, "Some will, some won't. So what? Next..." I think that's so brilliant, I wish I'd made it up myself. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley

Modesty vs. Humility

Many of my friends have heard me joke that "The only thing I brag about is my humility." It's something that I thought was funny at the time and still gets a laugh so I continue to use it. A few weeks ago, for whatever reason, something occurred to me. I was thinking about humility and what it actually means when I realized something. I realized it's relatively easy to confuse humility and modesty for one another. I personally have asked a few people about their own thoughts on this, and what I found in these people was what I suspected. Many think that "modesty" can be used as a synonym for "humility." I disagree.

Modesty and humility, the way I see it, are almost polar opposites. Modesty has more similarity to vanity than humility. Allow me to explain. Modesty, in my understanding, is characterized by a person denying their own proficiency or strength, either in a specific area or overall. For example, if you tell someone modest they're a great basketball player they might say something like, "No way, there are so many much better players than myself." While that can sound like an admirable way to handle the compliment, I prefer the humble person's response which would sound more like, "Well, we're ALL great when we put our mind's to achieving something." You see, the humble person accepts the praise, whereas the modest person deflects...or rejects it. The humble response is better to me for a few reasons. One, it doesn't deny you the praise you're receiving and deserve and two, it's actually motivating and positive to the person you're speaking to.

Above I said that modesty is similar to vanity and here's how: Vanity is about separation and social hierarchy. So too, I believe is modesty. These concepts bring us to deem ourselves as superior or inferior to someone else (and inferior more often than most of us are aware). Being humble is about understanding that we all come from the same creator, and that we all have limitations and an infinite potential to achieve, create, learn, understand, and live. When we strive for humility, we simultaneously strive for unity and harmony. In that scenario, we find that respect replaces fear when it comes to our fellow man. What could be better than that? Talk to you soon

Donovan