Picture life as one of those mazes in a biology lab study. You know, where some biologist puts rats and mice inside to observe them as they perform tasks and evade a few obstacles to get to their prize, that glorious cheese, as the biologist notes results. Really, sit back and imagine it, and picture that as an analogy of life for a moment. Now in this vision I've asked you to conjure up, what part do you play? Are you a tiny mouse, running frantically one moment down this path, then hesitating the next moment, not sure enough of yourself to make a decision, allowing luck to control your destiny? Many of us proceed through our lives this way, even if only at certain times. I know I do. Or are you the large bullying rat, plowing through the maze, running over everything and everyone in the process to get that cheese? I've done this too. Sometimes it's because I'm feeling myself, and other times it still comes from fear just managed a bit differently (like a fear that someone lesser or weaker is going to get "what's ours" if we don't). As I see it, this is how many, if not most, proceed through life. Maybe it serves some of us in some way. In fact, it has to serve a purpose in some way, or else we'd find a new way.
Now, why not take yourself outside the maze to look at the entire picture, at least from time to time, from the scientist's point of view? Just pull back and look at it from a better position. It gives you perspective and allows you, just maybe, to see certain things in relation to other things in your life. Now circumstances and events may start to make sense, and maybe some things won't seem so bad. I mean pull back and look at everything. Look at all of it, including yourself, and just see it for a moment. Don't judge it, don't try to fix it at this moment, just see it for what it is...whatever it is. That is what's called a "moment of clarity," and when you have one, I bet you'll know what to do next. You won't even need me for your next move. So go do it. Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
SELFLESSNESS: As Bad As Selfishness...
In most ways, this is true. Both traits have their advantages and disadvantages, but neither is the most self-serving, which is what you want to strive for. Being self-serving asks the question, "what serves me best?" Maybe, in a given situation, it serves you best to help someone else get what they want, as the case might be with a dear loved one...or to help someone get what they want first, as with a business partner or friend. Yes, to do this it becomes necessary to trust your fellow man, which isn't always the easiest thing for some of us to do. It is something you have voluntary control over, whether you admit it or not, however. Let's take a closer look.
Selfishness is a "Me first" kind of attitude that most of us agree is probably not the right attitude toward life. However, selflessness isn't exactly the virtue that many give it credit for being. Sure it may make you look good in some scenarios, especially to those who might directly or indirectly benefit from your selflessness, but in the end it's you who will be resentful and/or angry. Why is that? My thoughts are, that it's because when one is selfless it comes from guilt most times. The guilt comes from a deep down desire to be selfish like those folks the selfless person compares herself to, but also an even deeper feeling that they're not worthy and therefore don't deserve to be selfish. It's a defense mechanism which allows her to feel that she's doing the "right thing." She then says to herself, "Well, at least no one can ever say I was selfish," but who's she living for? Is she living for herself, or is she living for those whom she suspects might call her selfish?
Selfishness is easy. Here's a person who thinks that resources, meaning all things we want or need, are limited. Therefore, the mentality is, "I've got to get what's mine before it's all gone." This produces a "Me first" kind of lifestyle. That's all there is to it. If this is you, and it works for you, good for you. My question to you is, what parts of life are you missing out on while you're so busy hording what's "yours?" Make no mistake, you are missing out on something, and maybe that's OK by you.
On to a third option: Being self-serving, or as I like to put it, "Self-Adjusted," is about figuring out what's best for me in a universal sense. I mean by that, not just "Get what I want now..." like a selfish person might say or "My turn will come..." as a selfless person might declare. Self adjusted people look at the whole picture whenever possible and ask, "Is this what's best for all involved?" You see, they have no guilt about including themselves, but have confidence in the universe's abundance such that they won't try to exclude you to keep more for themselves either. They believe in their own value, and they believe in the value of all others as well. This mentality produces more for them than they could ever need, which keeps them happy and generous in the abundance cycle where we are all welcome. It's a wonderful place to be. Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
Selfishness is a "Me first" kind of attitude that most of us agree is probably not the right attitude toward life. However, selflessness isn't exactly the virtue that many give it credit for being. Sure it may make you look good in some scenarios, especially to those who might directly or indirectly benefit from your selflessness, but in the end it's you who will be resentful and/or angry. Why is that? My thoughts are, that it's because when one is selfless it comes from guilt most times. The guilt comes from a deep down desire to be selfish like those folks the selfless person compares herself to, but also an even deeper feeling that they're not worthy and therefore don't deserve to be selfish. It's a defense mechanism which allows her to feel that she's doing the "right thing." She then says to herself, "Well, at least no one can ever say I was selfish," but who's she living for? Is she living for herself, or is she living for those whom she suspects might call her selfish?
Selfishness is easy. Here's a person who thinks that resources, meaning all things we want or need, are limited. Therefore, the mentality is, "I've got to get what's mine before it's all gone." This produces a "Me first" kind of lifestyle. That's all there is to it. If this is you, and it works for you, good for you. My question to you is, what parts of life are you missing out on while you're so busy hording what's "yours?" Make no mistake, you are missing out on something, and maybe that's OK by you.
On to a third option: Being self-serving, or as I like to put it, "Self-Adjusted," is about figuring out what's best for me in a universal sense. I mean by that, not just "Get what I want now..." like a selfish person might say or "My turn will come..." as a selfless person might declare. Self adjusted people look at the whole picture whenever possible and ask, "Is this what's best for all involved?" You see, they have no guilt about including themselves, but have confidence in the universe's abundance such that they won't try to exclude you to keep more for themselves either. They believe in their own value, and they believe in the value of all others as well. This mentality produces more for them than they could ever need, which keeps them happy and generous in the abundance cycle where we are all welcome. It's a wonderful place to be. Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Easiest Way To Win A Fight...
The title of this post is, I must admit, deceiving. It implies that what I'm about to suggest to you is easy, but the reality is it's not for most. Almost everyone, including myself, has a lot of trouble mustering the strength it takes to win using the tool I'm about to share with you. Prepare yourself for this one. If you learn this tool, however, you will be a very powerful person. You will be a very brave person. You will be a very wise person. Is it not these types of people who fare better in fights? Of course they do. So I'm betting you're ready to hear it (I know, you're reading this. Stay focused). Here goes: Learn to admit when you're wrong. I mean, really admit it. Learn to accept that it's OK to be wrong because mistakes are often times where our most valuable lessons come from. It doesn't mean you're less intelligent than another or that they're a better person than you because you were wrong this time, though they may even think it...though they may even say it to you...and your friends...and your boss...and your children. It's not a sign of weakness, if you're coming from the right place. It's a sign of strength. Strength of character, spirit, heart and mind.
It's one of those things in life that most of us know deep down is true, but we've been programmed for so long to prove ourselves to the world that we've lost our ability to see ourselves at times. Sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes others know something we don't, or we want something that's really not that fair, or we're just being unreasonable, or worse than that, we're being a stubborn jerk. Hey, it happens. We are human, but hindsight is 20/20. What's happened to some of us is that we've become afraid to look at ourselves objectively. We've learned to focus on everything but ourselves, and in the process deluded ourselves into thinking that we're flawless. You see, it's our flaws, that make us perfect. So own them. As I said, it gives you much strength and power. When you do (and know you're working to improve them), you'll see how powerful and wise it makes you feel. You'll feel powerful because you are. Those who would oppose you on an issue, believe it or not, will see this power in you too and together you'll win, as you strive for understanding instead of victory. Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
It's one of those things in life that most of us know deep down is true, but we've been programmed for so long to prove ourselves to the world that we've lost our ability to see ourselves at times. Sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes others know something we don't, or we want something that's really not that fair, or we're just being unreasonable, or worse than that, we're being a stubborn jerk. Hey, it happens. We are human, but hindsight is 20/20. What's happened to some of us is that we've become afraid to look at ourselves objectively. We've learned to focus on everything but ourselves, and in the process deluded ourselves into thinking that we're flawless. You see, it's our flaws, that make us perfect. So own them. As I said, it gives you much strength and power. When you do (and know you're working to improve them), you'll see how powerful and wise it makes you feel. You'll feel powerful because you are. Those who would oppose you on an issue, believe it or not, will see this power in you too and together you'll win, as you strive for understanding instead of victory. Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
It's Your World...
What I mean by that is that you are responsible for it. It is, to this point, what you believe it to be...not necessarily what you believe it should be. It starts there (I'm pointing at your heart), with your own beliefs. Your beliefs about yourself, and your beliefs about all the things and people around you. Those very beliefs lead to the actions you take and ultimately to the results you create for yourself. It's your world. This explains the saying that, "Your world is a reflection of you." That means, if you want it to be a better world, who does it start with? Who should do better? Who should get better? You don't blame the mirror for the reflection...it's doing what it was designed to do.
Too often we find ways to blame other things and people for what's wrong with our world. Too often, as a society, we find ways to justify why we haven't become, achieved, or acquired what we desire by declaring that it's due to some unfortunate circumstance that exists in our lives. "It's the economy..." we say, or, "If only I had more money..." or, "If only I were taller and prettier..." or, "I don't have time to go back to school or start over..." or, "She messed it all up for me..." None of that is true. What's true is, if only we would take responsibility for our own happiness and success, we could have any and all things we want--right now. You have to go out and win anyway. By winning I don't mean beating someone. I mean getting what you want. You deserve it. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and actions, because that's all you and no one else but you. The sooner you accept that, the sooner your world will change for the better (and by "you" I mean "we" since I deal with this every single day just like everyone else). Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
Too often we find ways to blame other things and people for what's wrong with our world. Too often, as a society, we find ways to justify why we haven't become, achieved, or acquired what we desire by declaring that it's due to some unfortunate circumstance that exists in our lives. "It's the economy..." we say, or, "If only I had more money..." or, "If only I were taller and prettier..." or, "I don't have time to go back to school or start over..." or, "She messed it all up for me..." None of that is true. What's true is, if only we would take responsibility for our own happiness and success, we could have any and all things we want--right now. You have to go out and win anyway. By winning I don't mean beating someone. I mean getting what you want. You deserve it. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and actions, because that's all you and no one else but you. The sooner you accept that, the sooner your world will change for the better (and by "you" I mean "we" since I deal with this every single day just like everyone else). Talk to you soon.
Donovan Bradley
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