SELFLESSNESS: As Bad As Selfishness...

In most ways, this is true. Both traits have their advantages and disadvantages, but neither is the most self-serving, which is what you want to strive for. Being self-serving asks the question, "what serves me best?" Maybe, in a given situation, it serves you best to help someone else get what they want, as the case might be with a dear loved one...or to help someone get what they want first, as with a business partner or friend. Yes, to do this it becomes necessary to trust your fellow man, which isn't always the easiest thing for some of us to do. It is something you have voluntary control over, whether you admit it or not, however. Let's take a closer look.

Selfishness is a "Me first" kind of attitude that most of us agree is probably not the right attitude toward life. However, selflessness isn't exactly the virtue that many give it credit for being. Sure it may make you look good in some scenarios, especially to those who might directly or indirectly benefit from your selflessness, but in the end it's you who will be resentful and/or angry. Why is that? My thoughts are, that it's because when one is selfless it comes from guilt most times. The guilt comes from a deep down desire to be selfish like those folks the selfless person compares herself to, but also an even deeper feeling that they're not worthy and therefore don't deserve to be selfish. It's a defense mechanism which allows her to feel that she's doing the "right thing." She then says to herself, "Well, at least no one can ever say I was selfish," but who's she living for? Is she living for herself, or is she living for those whom she suspects might call her selfish?

Selfishness is easy. Here's a person who thinks that resources, meaning all things we want or need, are limited. Therefore, the mentality is, "I've got to get what's mine before it's all gone." This produces a "Me first" kind of lifestyle. That's all there is to it. If this is you, and it works for you, good for you. My question to you is, what parts of life are you missing out on while you're so busy hording what's "yours?" Make no mistake, you are missing out on something, and maybe that's OK by you.

On to a third option: Being self-serving, or as I like to put it, "Self-Adjusted," is about figuring out what's best for me in a universal sense. I mean by that, not just "Get what I want now..." like a selfish person might say or "My turn will come..." as a selfless person might declare. Self adjusted people look at the whole picture whenever possible and ask, "Is this what's best for all involved?" You see, they have no guilt about including themselves, but have confidence in the universe's abundance such that they won't try to exclude you to keep more for themselves either. They believe in their own value, and they believe in the value of all others as well. This mentality produces more for them than they could ever need, which keeps them happy and generous in the abundance cycle where we are all welcome. It's a wonderful place to be. Talk to you soon.

Donovan Bradley