I was talking to someone the other day about a friend of hers who she told me is somewhat of an “underachiever”…OK, we can all be somewhat underachieving, so I’m understating a bit. Anyway, as we were talking a great analogy came to me about obstacles. It came to me because I got to thinking about how different people handle obstacles and about words of advice I’ve heard in the past from friends and mentors on how they should be handled. It’s been said that the reason successful people are successful is because they don’t see obstacles the way others do. They just see them as part of the process. They see it this way because they stay focused on their goals. Some have such focus that they don’t see obstacles at all…they only see their goals. They see nothing but success, and so they move over, around, or through them. Many times their success seems effortless. That’s because they perceive it that way. So in my effort to give you a better way to view…or perhaps not view obstacles, I’m going to share my analogy with you.
Think of yourself at the beginning of a corridor or hallway, and your “goal” is to walk from the starting point, out the door on the other end. Standing in the corridor is a stranger you know nothing about. This stranger is staring, in complete silence and without any expression, directly at you. There’s no mistake this person is watching you. How do you react? What action do you take? Do you ask him “what ya lookin’ at, fool?” and engage him focusing on him so much that you don’t even see the door (your goal) anymore? Do you walk up to him and threaten to beat him up for looking at you? Do you attack him? You see, this is how some would react. They might even be so focused on him that they get on the other side of him so that he’s no longer between them and the door (which was their original goal), but are now not even pointed in the direction of their goal anymore! It has completely disappeared now from their entire field of vision. Why has this happened? It has happened because they weren’t able to maintain focus on their goal. There’s another way to react. There are those who would not see this person at all, so focused on their goal and walk straight toward it without so much as a wayward glance. Then there are those who might assume that the stranger was their to help them get through the door in the event they needed assistance. You see, it’s your choice how to view the circumstance, whatever it turns out to be. Here’s a tough one to grasp—even if he does resist you, maybe he’s there to prepare you for the strength you’ll need to open the door, or for the strength you’ll need once you get past the door. You see, you just never know, do you? Focus on the goal. Talk to you soon…
Donovan
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Crutches Are Kryptonite
I think this is a statement we can all understand...for the most part. We all know that crutches slow us down if we don’t need them. They’re to be used only when it’s impossible or at least exceedingly difficult to move without them. If this isn’t the case, they actually do more harm than good. Read on…
First of all, when I use the term “crutch” I’m referring not just to those strange looking, elongated wooden or metal & plastic things we get from the doctor’s office. I’m referring to anything one might rely on to eliminate healthy, necessary, good old fashioned effort. For example, I’m talking about instances like guys who think they need to be “buzzed” or “high” to be “charming” as well as those other kind of crutches. These things all make us weaker when used improperly. Remember that.
You see, when we don’t use something, it atrophies…whether it’s our leg, our brain, or our “game”. Anything we stop using starts to dissipate in its immediate potential. Sure, we can build it back up if we choose, but we’ve lost some performance for the time being. Now, this principle serves us by making sure we focus our energy on those things we use most, but it can hurt those of us who have chosen not to do anything “on our own.” That’s not to say we shouldn’t try to find easier, faster, smarter, better ways to do things, we just shouldn’t do that at the expense of our own self improvement. Keep that in mind and you’ll do just great.
Now here’s an interesting point that it’s taken me all my life (thus far) to figure out: When we use people as crutches, it can be even more damaging than we could ever imagine if we’re not careful about those we choose to lean on. Allow me to explain. OK, I’m assuming you already understand the principle of atrophy which states that when we don’t use our own “muscle” (mental, physical, or spiritual), it grows weaker over time. Right there should be enough incentive to use as much of your own power as possible, all the time. However, if you need more reason, this is for you. Some people choose to be crutches for others because they actually like the idea of people needing them so much that they can’t function without them. These people, whether consciously or not, actually keep you weak, and what they are is manipulators. Because they desire to make you weaker, they're like Kryptonite to you...just like the other crutches can be, but a bit worse since it's deliberate. Anyone who’s encountered this type of person knows what I’m saying. The way to avoid them is to stand on your own whenever possible. Sure, we need to work together, but that’s because two heads are better than one. It shouldn’t be because one isn’t enough. Talk to you soon…
Donovan Bradley
First of all, when I use the term “crutch” I’m referring not just to those strange looking, elongated wooden or metal & plastic things we get from the doctor’s office. I’m referring to anything one might rely on to eliminate healthy, necessary, good old fashioned effort. For example, I’m talking about instances like guys who think they need to be “buzzed” or “high” to be “charming” as well as those other kind of crutches. These things all make us weaker when used improperly. Remember that.
You see, when we don’t use something, it atrophies…whether it’s our leg, our brain, or our “game”. Anything we stop using starts to dissipate in its immediate potential. Sure, we can build it back up if we choose, but we’ve lost some performance for the time being. Now, this principle serves us by making sure we focus our energy on those things we use most, but it can hurt those of us who have chosen not to do anything “on our own.” That’s not to say we shouldn’t try to find easier, faster, smarter, better ways to do things, we just shouldn’t do that at the expense of our own self improvement. Keep that in mind and you’ll do just great.
Now here’s an interesting point that it’s taken me all my life (thus far) to figure out: When we use people as crutches, it can be even more damaging than we could ever imagine if we’re not careful about those we choose to lean on. Allow me to explain. OK, I’m assuming you already understand the principle of atrophy which states that when we don’t use our own “muscle” (mental, physical, or spiritual), it grows weaker over time. Right there should be enough incentive to use as much of your own power as possible, all the time. However, if you need more reason, this is for you. Some people choose to be crutches for others because they actually like the idea of people needing them so much that they can’t function without them. These people, whether consciously or not, actually keep you weak, and what they are is manipulators. Because they desire to make you weaker, they're like Kryptonite to you...just like the other crutches can be, but a bit worse since it's deliberate. Anyone who’s encountered this type of person knows what I’m saying. The way to avoid them is to stand on your own whenever possible. Sure, we need to work together, but that’s because two heads are better than one. It shouldn’t be because one isn’t enough. Talk to you soon…
Donovan Bradley
Saturday, January 24, 2009
You’re Not Going To Like This…
If this one bothers you, I’m talking to you. In fact, it’s that tendency I’m talking about. You take things too personally too much of the time. Some of it has to roll off your back…some of it has to be tolerated…some of it you have to sit back and just laugh in the face of…including this post. It’s unnecessary stress on you when you take everything personally. You get mad, and/or you get stressed, many times about things or people that you can’t do anything about. That costs you your peace of mind. A very good friend once told me that nothing in the world should be worth giving up one’s peace of mind for, and I agree with him. So why take it personally? Just accept that some things are “screwed up”, but that your life can be great anyway. Got it? Good.
Besides the direct pain you cause yourself, anger and resentment, you can affect other areas of your life. You can also cause some of the more sensitive, less assertive people to start to distance themselves from you, even going as far as ending the relationship altogether just to avoid the stress of facing your judgment and “wrath”. You may even be “right” in your judgment, but sometimes it’s not worth the effort of explaining why or the damage it can do. Use your talent for judgment to weigh the pros and cons instead of on your people. That’s what it’s best used on anyway…decisions, not people.
So it can hurt you directly, mentally and emotionally, and it can ruin relationships if left unchecked. Sure, it can be a good thing, as can anything, when appropriate. That’s the key. Learn to control this power to take things personally. Do it when it brings you and/or those you love positive things like desired change. You’re highly passionate and not very good at hiding that, which means you can be ridiculously motivated and therefore get a ton of things done compared to most…life changing things. You’re also highly critical, which means your attention to detail is as intense as your emotions. However, if used at the wrong time in the wrong place in the wrong way, these attributes can burn down…or extinguish (like fire or water)…what you’re working so hard to build.
The bottom line is this: This is a world full of a whole bunch of differences. Ultimately, there’s not much that’s right or wrong, black or white. It’s all a bunch of gray areas and opinions, and it’s just too much work to try to be right all the time (most of us miss the mark far more than we’d like to admit…yes, most of us, and the rest just don’t even try).
So to help you out, I’ve compiled a small list of things that may get you started on protecting your most valuable asset (peace of mind):
-Not everyone will agree with you…and it’s OK
-Not everyone will do what you did or would…that’s OK too
-Those very people (read “screw-ups” to you, quite possibly) might succeed…or fail somehow anyway…yes, that’s OK too
-Not everything will go exactly as planned. It doesn’t mean you won’t succeed
-Your current approach may need review and revision. Sure, it may hurt to admit that. Just do it
-Someone (possibly younger, dumber or lesser than you) may criticize or correct you or your actions or results…worse yet, in front of other people. It happens (I’m not saying “lie down and take it” or that it’s OK, but it does happen)
-Someone may see you in some way you don’t want to be seen whether or not you think it’s accurate. Realize it’s a fact of life and happens to everyone at some time or another
-Understand that no one (that means you) is always right
There, that’ll start you on the path. Now go do it. Yup, I just told you what to do. What are you going to do about it? Bye now…
Donovan Bradley
Besides the direct pain you cause yourself, anger and resentment, you can affect other areas of your life. You can also cause some of the more sensitive, less assertive people to start to distance themselves from you, even going as far as ending the relationship altogether just to avoid the stress of facing your judgment and “wrath”. You may even be “right” in your judgment, but sometimes it’s not worth the effort of explaining why or the damage it can do. Use your talent for judgment to weigh the pros and cons instead of on your people. That’s what it’s best used on anyway…decisions, not people.
So it can hurt you directly, mentally and emotionally, and it can ruin relationships if left unchecked. Sure, it can be a good thing, as can anything, when appropriate. That’s the key. Learn to control this power to take things personally. Do it when it brings you and/or those you love positive things like desired change. You’re highly passionate and not very good at hiding that, which means you can be ridiculously motivated and therefore get a ton of things done compared to most…life changing things. You’re also highly critical, which means your attention to detail is as intense as your emotions. However, if used at the wrong time in the wrong place in the wrong way, these attributes can burn down…or extinguish (like fire or water)…what you’re working so hard to build.
The bottom line is this: This is a world full of a whole bunch of differences. Ultimately, there’s not much that’s right or wrong, black or white. It’s all a bunch of gray areas and opinions, and it’s just too much work to try to be right all the time (most of us miss the mark far more than we’d like to admit…yes, most of us, and the rest just don’t even try).
So to help you out, I’ve compiled a small list of things that may get you started on protecting your most valuable asset (peace of mind):
-Not everyone will agree with you…and it’s OK
-Not everyone will do what you did or would…that’s OK too
-Those very people (read “screw-ups” to you, quite possibly) might succeed…or fail somehow anyway…yes, that’s OK too
-Not everything will go exactly as planned. It doesn’t mean you won’t succeed
-Your current approach may need review and revision. Sure, it may hurt to admit that. Just do it
-Someone (possibly younger, dumber or lesser than you) may criticize or correct you or your actions or results…worse yet, in front of other people. It happens (I’m not saying “lie down and take it” or that it’s OK, but it does happen)
-Someone may see you in some way you don’t want to be seen whether or not you think it’s accurate. Realize it’s a fact of life and happens to everyone at some time or another
-Understand that no one (that means you) is always right
There, that’ll start you on the path. Now go do it. Yup, I just told you what to do. What are you going to do about it? Bye now…
Donovan Bradley
Friday, December 19, 2008
Sometimes It Gets Tough, Just "Look Deeper"
On your quest to achieve your dream life there will be those days when you find it's really challenging, I promise. You may even feel like it's beating you down. In those moments, it may help you to look deeper—as in deeper down the field that is your life. What I mean is, get out of “the moment” and remember that everything changes...everything. That means that when it gets really bad, at least it's not permanent. This too shall pass, as it's been said many times. Sometimes I find it helps me to imagine a moment in the not too distant future (maybe a week, maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe 10 years). I know in the future that this particular problem will have been solved one way or another. Then my mind does a curious thing. It starts to imagine what path my life will take en route to the inevitable solution. Basically, my mind just starts to work its way back to now. When I can fill in all the blanks, the problem is usually solved and I can move forward. Whenever I choose to use this technique, it works...every time.
I'll use myself as an example. I'm currently facing a few challenges right now. Those closest to me know my biggest ones. I could easily give up and let these things "beat" me. You know what though? Even if I do that, these problems will actually solve themselves in some manner or another. Of course, it’ll be a bit more painful and probably won’t turn out the way I prefer, but consequences have a knack for happening whether or not we act, don't they? So the question becomes "How will this problem be solved?" rather than "Will this problem be solved?" Of course it will. It always is, as that's just the way life works. Here is where I take the opportunity to "look" forward into my own future, and pick the one I like best. Once I've done that, I work my way back to now. You can do this, it's not as hard as you think. Pick a point in the future and mark the date. Now "paint" the picture of how that point in time looks in relation to this task or challenge you're facing. Now, working backwards, think of the most likely actions you could have taken to lead to the picture you have in mind. Once you have the one that feels most like it would work, then you have your new point to work back from. Continue that process until you get to right now. Now you have your plan to move forward to the future you like best.
This process takes honesty and objectivity, but once you've mastered it there will be nothing you don't feel like you can accomplish. You'll know the only limiter in your life is yourself. OK, that's it for now. Time to get started...
I'll use myself as an example. I'm currently facing a few challenges right now. Those closest to me know my biggest ones. I could easily give up and let these things "beat" me. You know what though? Even if I do that, these problems will actually solve themselves in some manner or another. Of course, it’ll be a bit more painful and probably won’t turn out the way I prefer, but consequences have a knack for happening whether or not we act, don't they? So the question becomes "How will this problem be solved?" rather than "Will this problem be solved?" Of course it will. It always is, as that's just the way life works. Here is where I take the opportunity to "look" forward into my own future, and pick the one I like best. Once I've done that, I work my way back to now. You can do this, it's not as hard as you think. Pick a point in the future and mark the date. Now "paint" the picture of how that point in time looks in relation to this task or challenge you're facing. Now, working backwards, think of the most likely actions you could have taken to lead to the picture you have in mind. Once you have the one that feels most like it would work, then you have your new point to work back from. Continue that process until you get to right now. Now you have your plan to move forward to the future you like best.
This process takes honesty and objectivity, but once you've mastered it there will be nothing you don't feel like you can accomplish. You'll know the only limiter in your life is yourself. OK, that's it for now. Time to get started...
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The Best Relationships are NOT 50/50
Yes, I meant to say exactly that. It is in fact, my humble opinion that the most successful relationships are not 50/50 in terms of giving. No matter what type of relationship it is--whether it's business, a friendship or a romantic relationship, the 50/50 concept doesn't work for me. You see, it's my belief that for a relationship to work between two people that both of them must give it their ALL. That means relationships are 100/100. The two people together now make MORE in terms of value than the sum of their values individually...if the relationship is handled in that way. Look at it this way--if you're not doing your best in the relationship, then it will never be as good as it could be and you only have yourself to blame. All situations in life are limited only by the effort we ourselves put forth, and this applies especially well to relationships.
Another thing I have a problem with, specifically when it comes to romantic relationships, is the idea that we find a person to "complete us". How come we're not already complete? How come we aren't looking for someone wonderful to share our already wonderful lives with so that the life is even more wonderful? We shouldn't look for other people to make us happy, because that will never work. I've heard it said that happiness is an "inside job" and I agree with that. One has to find happiness inside himself, and then go share that happiness with the world. One has to learn to love herself, and then go share that love with the world. Learn to do this, and all of your relationships will be wonderful. All of them will just seem to effortlessly work and add to your happiness. Then it becomes easier to find the pleasure we're looking for in the relationship, because the happiness has already been taken care of within ourselves. Now I certainly don't claim to be a relationship expert by any standard, but I've been in a few (some very good and some very bad), and I've noticed that they've all improved drastically one way or another now that I understand what I'm sharing with you. Talk to you soon...
Another thing I have a problem with, specifically when it comes to romantic relationships, is the idea that we find a person to "complete us". How come we're not already complete? How come we aren't looking for someone wonderful to share our already wonderful lives with so that the life is even more wonderful? We shouldn't look for other people to make us happy, because that will never work. I've heard it said that happiness is an "inside job" and I agree with that. One has to find happiness inside himself, and then go share that happiness with the world. One has to learn to love herself, and then go share that love with the world. Learn to do this, and all of your relationships will be wonderful. All of them will just seem to effortlessly work and add to your happiness. Then it becomes easier to find the pleasure we're looking for in the relationship, because the happiness has already been taken care of within ourselves. Now I certainly don't claim to be a relationship expert by any standard, but I've been in a few (some very good and some very bad), and I've noticed that they've all improved drastically one way or another now that I understand what I'm sharing with you. Talk to you soon...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Rules About Happiness
What does it take for you to be happy on a given day? Have you ever thought about that? Does a very specific circumstance have to be present? Do many very specific circumstances have to be present? It's my belief that some of us make it more difficult than it needs to be to feel happy or to have a "good day". I say, why limit your ability to feel happy to only times when something unusually spectacular happens to you? Why not wake up having a good day? Why not have a great day despite...or better yet even, because of the day's challenges? Maybe you're able to learn something from that event or chain of events that forever makes you a better person and thereafter your very life easier and/or more rewarding? Why not let your default emotion be joy or happiness? Isn't it safe to say that life would be better that way? Would it not be more enjoyable if you were normally happy? People tend to be attracted to the energy of upbeat, positive people so you'd probably make more friends and see more opportunities come your way, giving you even still more reason to be happy, right? I totally agree.
That said, I'm going to share something with you that I learned about 2 years ago. It was during a very emotionally challenging time in my life that I woke up one morning (Jan. 01, 2007) after a very uplifting and relaxed New Year's Eve. It had been such a great feeling that I didn't remember feeling for quite some time. As I got up, I said to myself, "It's the best day of my life." From that day forward, I committed to making every day the best day of my life no matter what happened. In other words, I stopped basing my happiness on what happened to me. Anyone who knows me already knows what my answer will be when they ask me how I'm doing because "Best day of my life!" is my only answer. Further, I'm conscious of how I feel as I tell someone because I don't want to just allow the words to nonchalantly roll out of my mouth. I say it with passion. I feel the emotion of it...the energy of it. And you know what? It works! Many folks, upon hearing me say it tell me that I made their day (especially after I explain to them how I learned the trick). In fact, some of my friends and acquaintances come looking for me at times just to ask me how I'm doing so they can hear that. This gives me even more joy...it gives me the joy of purpose. I know I'm giving of my positive energy to those who could use a lift. I'm not saying every day goes exactly the way I want it to. I'm saying I'm happy no matter how it goes.
Enough about me though. This is about you and your happiness. What makes you happy? For most of us, it would probably serve us to be a little less specific about what has to happen to us for us to feel the feeling of happiness, and more certain about the fact that we're responsible for (and therefore should be committed to) our own joy. It's just a humble opinion, but my advice is to try it. You just might like it...
That said, I'm going to share something with you that I learned about 2 years ago. It was during a very emotionally challenging time in my life that I woke up one morning (Jan. 01, 2007) after a very uplifting and relaxed New Year's Eve. It had been such a great feeling that I didn't remember feeling for quite some time. As I got up, I said to myself, "It's the best day of my life." From that day forward, I committed to making every day the best day of my life no matter what happened. In other words, I stopped basing my happiness on what happened to me. Anyone who knows me already knows what my answer will be when they ask me how I'm doing because "Best day of my life!" is my only answer. Further, I'm conscious of how I feel as I tell someone because I don't want to just allow the words to nonchalantly roll out of my mouth. I say it with passion. I feel the emotion of it...the energy of it. And you know what? It works! Many folks, upon hearing me say it tell me that I made their day (especially after I explain to them how I learned the trick). In fact, some of my friends and acquaintances come looking for me at times just to ask me how I'm doing so they can hear that. This gives me even more joy...it gives me the joy of purpose. I know I'm giving of my positive energy to those who could use a lift. I'm not saying every day goes exactly the way I want it to. I'm saying I'm happy no matter how it goes.
Enough about me though. This is about you and your happiness. What makes you happy? For most of us, it would probably serve us to be a little less specific about what has to happen to us for us to feel the feeling of happiness, and more certain about the fact that we're responsible for (and therefore should be committed to) our own joy. It's just a humble opinion, but my advice is to try it. You just might like it...
Friday, October 17, 2008
Success Is a Direction
I’ve heard it said that “Success is a journey, not a destination…” I think there is truth in that statement, but I have a slightly different feeling. It’s my personal opinion that success is more of a direction than even a journey. I say this because most of those who feel successful of those I’ve come into contact with were happiest with the control they have over the direction of their lives. Life is a journey, but where is it going? What direction is it headed? That’s the question, in my opinion, when answered best defines success.
Think about it. Whatever is happening in your life in terms of career, wealth, relationships (love, friends or family) or health, if your life is going the way you want it to go, you’re happy. Even if you’re not where you want to be yet, you feel good about what’s happening in your life when you have determined what direction you’re going to go. Now, provided you take action to move on your intentions and ambitions, your life is “headed in the right direction.” That’s when one feels in alignment. That’s when you feel like you’re moving with the current of life and not against it. It feels easy and good, regardless of the current circumstance because you’re now confident that you’re making progress. So get clear on where you want your life to go. Get very clear…crystal clear. Now there’s a target you have a good chance at hitting, yes? So go get it. Bye for now…
Donovan Bradley
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